Two Months In

Traverse City, Michigan- August 21

Two nights ago on the shores of Lake Michigan, my first
campfire.

It has been two months since I left Maui. I left having realized the imperative of getting away, just to regain some of the me I had lost. I thought of myself as a positive, upbeat person who had forgotten how to be that; the negatives had moved closer in to obstruct.

Excited and apprehensive at the same time, I was ready for something radical that would take me out of bounds: untethered, as I had come to think of it. Being the next frontier of aloneness and self-independence, I felt prepared but unsure as to where my mind might go.

An amazing campsite on the shores of Grand Sable Lake
in Upper Peninsula, Michigan. Just me, the lake and the breeze.

It was never a matter of physical safety. All the people who worried about dangerous strangers and my vulnerability couldn’t find fertile ground in my imagination. It was where the hours and days of being alone might take my mind and emotions that had me wondering. Could I really maintain my enthusiasm for 3 months… or the possible 6 months? Might I just run into an endless cycle of undermining questions and projections?

Yet I also wanted to tackle this possibility head on and do a bit of 'wrasslin' ' with it. And so I have. The first month was so full of the newness of traveling, being free, seeing amazing scenes and realizing that my 'one-ness' was okay. Plus there was a generous sprinkling of people I knew or got to know to break things up.

This second month has gotten down to it. Weeks with no one I knew, less spectacular scenery, and the growing normal-ness of being on the road left room for more introspection. The word is... 'It's all good'.

Lake Michigan, "unsalted and no sharks", as seen on a
t-shirt. 

Rainy days of just driving. Tourists everywhere. Worrying about campsites. Trying to find cafes and wifi. Such huge problems!!!

I come back to wanting to just understand this country, know what it looks and feels like, find some sweet spots/accept the dull spots. The mission is more than just me feeling excited and happy. The mission is to be here and live it- react, sure, but also find the humanity in myself and in those around me. I fall short and stumble regularly, but I also remember and get back on track. And writing about it always helps, so thank you.

The clouds are a skyscape in their own rite.