A Sweet Reunion

Shirley Tassencourt was my art teacher in elementary school at the School in Rose Valley, a progressive, before-its-time, day school in Rose Valley, PA. Shirley is also the Mom of my oldest friend, Andi, and a member of the tribe my Mom was a part of in the 60s through the 80s. Shirley is 89 and living in Sebastopol with her other daughter, Zoe.

I visited Shirley overnight on Monday. A sweet visit with a self-proclaimed ‘6 year old’, as she calls herself now that her memory is going. There was time to just visit and tell stories and show photos of the people we have both known. Did she know them and remember them? Maybe not, but it didn’t matter. She delighted in hearing about them, even more than once. She wanted to hear anything and everything about how I was doing, what I was thinking. And she remembered that Ben had died.

Shirley showed me a way to fall into memory lost in the most graceful and accepting of ways. It just is. And she makes it seem graceful and safe.

We had coffee with Pat Newick and her daughter, Lark Blair, other members of the tribe. The four of us talked and talked, as if we couldn’t get enough of the experience of being together and connected. Three of us had lost our partners in the last 7 years, so we talked of death and dying and grieving and surviving and finding ourselves in the new reality that is beautiful in its own way.

These people who have been very much on the periphery of my life since I was young just became so dear to me, in just a few moments. There was time to let that happen, no agenda pulling us away, just the sweetness of four women loving each other on a Tuesday morning.

(Beautiful Lark had recently had a nose operation for some rascally skin cancer. It didn't dim her beautiful smile or warm heart one bit.)

There’s time to say ‘Yes”

I don’t remember when I consciously and happily ever had free, unscheduled, do-anything-whenever time. There was always an agenda and some future marker that needed to be remembered and considered. That is gone right now, put aside for the duration. September 3 is my only deadline.

So what does that make possible? A moment-by-moment freedom to do as I wish. An opening to say ‘yes’ to things I never would have a month ago.

I strolled around Sebastopol on Monday evening, after the considerable heat of the day had backed off. I wanted to get a sense of the town. Turning a corner, I saw a sandwich board on the sidewalk, advertising a free movie at 8:30 that evening. I looked at my watch; it was 8:20. I looked at the open door and climbed the steps to enter. Why not? This evening I say ‘yes’ to this invitation.

And thus ensued a beautiful evening with good conversation and the camaraderie of like-minded people as we watched a new environmental documentary called ‘How to let go of the world and love all the things climate can’t change’, by Josh Fox. At 11:10 I left to head back to Shirley’s, happily walking through the cool, deserted Sebastopol streets, having stepped out of old habits into new possibilities.

Reminders from a Lyft Driver

Strangers Aren't Strange After All

Ariel and I went with the rest of Oakland to the Saturday Farmers Market at Grand Street on

Saturday. She wisely opted for Lyft instead of fighting for parking. It was a fantastic scene of food, food, food being loved and enjoyed by everyone. Serious farmers making serious dollar growing fairly local and organic food of every sort. It was the first time I ever bought Portabello mushrooms from the actual grower. And the place was packed.

Taking Lyft back, we were driven by an Asian American young man who jumped right into a great conversation with us. Highlight? His revelation that, through Lyft, he had discovered that strangers were pretty darned interesting.

He had grown up with the message that he shouldn't talk to strangers, and he had lived by that. On his first day as a Lyft operator, a lifetimes' worth of conditioning was utterly challenged. It was now his job to sit in a small space, let total strangers into it with him, and talk to them. But, miraculously, it was safe, and he had obviously grown to thoroughly enjoy it, judging from our engaged and wide-ranging 15 minute chat.

We pondered how much TV, newspapers and movies, the sensational 'drama', had blinded us to the general goodness of humanity. How a good deed and a kind word never made the six o'clock headlines.

How relevant for my trip. As loved ones have worried, out of love, about my safety in a dangerous world, I have chosen to remember that I have rarely met a dangerous person in all my years. That the world is full of people who want to love, talk, help, connect. I am one of them. And I want to meet as many others as I can. I want to take the time to fall in love with the world- again? for the first time? Take the time to look and see and stop and open.

Note to Self

I've been warned: be forgetful at my peril.

Thus far, my forgetful, distracted tendency has been forgiven. Because I planned to backtrack a couple of times in this first phase of the trip, I can retrieve my pillow from Ariel's and regain my cellphone from the vinegar shop in Napa. This must stop.

From now on I am moving forward and these kind of rookie mistakes will have a greater impact. It's time to get my gear organized and my systems in place. Some thoughts:

• Don't wear skirts. Pockets are my friends. 
• Stop and think before I leave a place, any place, what did I put down, what might I have forgotten?
• Have a place for everything and everything in its place. And then do that. Get disciplined about keeping things organized. I know this will pay off.
• Reflect on the nature of 'things' in my life. What do they represent to me? Where is the invisible string (tether?) that makes it so hard for me to give things up? It's not sentimentality, it's utility: I might need that later, I wouldn't want to have to buy it again.
• Consider this: If I forget something, perhaps I didn't need it after all. Hard to fathom that with the cell phone, but it's worth thinking about.
• Be rigorous and, at the same time, forgiving. Pay attention and let it go. Try hard and fail gracefully.

The First of Many Breathtaking Spots

Middletown, California- The Abbey
Visiting Davis is sitting on top of the Mayacama Mountain Range, looking out at the Berrysea Ridge- just a high mountainside aerie up a dirt road hill that beats any crazy driveway I've lived on. His home has so many facets- rooms, doors, fabulous artwork everywhere with the perfect amount of whimsy.

Ollie and Ella, his two dogs, are as lucky as two dogs can be with room to roam, a bull in the woods to bark at, and hikes right out the back door. Which is what we did today- 6 miles to Tom Dye's Peak and Sacre's Brow

through the shaded pine, Douglas fir and manzanita forest. Several fabulous viewing sites, one of which is seen above.

A highlight has been 'waiting for the moon' in the past two nights. Waiting and watching and laughing as the sky darkened and the horizon started to glow and this tiny flash of luna began to appear. In all my years, I have never sat and patiently waited for the moon to rise. It is a spectacular event- each night as if I had never seen it before- just marveling at this yellow-white orb rising to grace the sky. Where have I been?

Falling Into Place

Happy Solstice and Strawberry Full Moon- a once in a lifetime event I've been told. So happy to share it with my girl.



So far the details of this trip have come together moment by moment in the most magical way. Each piece took effort, but each piece arrived, just as needed.

One of the big ones was finding the right person to rent my home. Despite everyone predicting that I would get millions of contacts from my Craigslist post, I got only a few. But it only takes one right person, and that was Ed. He brought his straightforward being up to Olinda from Omaopio and it all just felt right, for him and for me. I am happy to think of him enjoying my home while I'm traveling.

Having time with Ariel and Chad has been so sweet- enjoying the urban life of Oakland with its bakeries, coffee shops, farmers market and an amazing ripe plum tree along a sidewalk! Ariel has been my sidekick as I fill out the gear for this trip- so patient and engaged in helping me find just the right this and the right that.

Today, I had to prepare myself for a glitch in the run of smooth luck. Financing was not available as had been thought to get a loan for my Prius. A Catch 22: Can't get a loan in California because I don't officially live here; can't get a loan in Hawaii because the car is registered in California. So I had to purchase the car outright and pay myself back with my line of credit. But the dealer wouldn't take a personal check- I'd have to wait to take the car until the check cleared and the money was available. Breathe Melanie, accept this and let it play out as it needs to. Get the check to the dealer and be patient.

Ariel and I sat in their office with resignation and went through the process. But Mike and Emil, the two Armenian dealers, gave me a gift. They decided to trust me and let me take the car. Such a gift.


I don't expect this adventure to have a continual run like this. There will be mis-steps and quirks, wrong turns and uncomfortable moments. But I choose to believe that the clear sailing I have been experiencing signifies that I'm in the right place at the right time, taking on a grand challenge that is just the place I should be falling into.

Mission Accomplished: Prius found

I don't know- does it need to be complicated to buy a car or can it just be easy? Today I decided that it could be easy. I had looked on Craigslist and contacted potential Prius sellers, but the first car I looked at had everything I wanted and needed with new tires to boot. Mike, the Armenian salesman, just felt like someone I wanted to deal with, wanted to believe in. I just went ahead and put a deposit on it.

It's always been hard for me to decide to spend a chunk of money on something. I typically have second thoughts and second guess myself. But I'm going for a different style on this adventure- going for 'yes', going for not worrying and not making it harder than it needs to be, hell- going for 'easy'.

Plus it's blue.....

It's Sunday, June 12. In 5 days I leave this wonderful home for an adventure of absolute unknowing. I've called it "Untethered: Melanie on the Road" because 'untethered' is what I'm feeling as I pack things up, leave my job, say goodbye to my friends, get ready to be un-homed for at least 6 months.

With excited trepidation I prepare- so tired of cleaning and packing and closing up shop. So eager to be on the plane heading to the west coast. So un-nerved by the un-knowing I have committed to.


I want to have my mind blown. I want to untether myself from daily routines, comfort, sameness. I want fresh perspective and the chance to have my psyche enlarged by the magnificence of the U.S.'s natural wonders. I want to see what comes up in that crazy mind of mine as I spend so much unstructured time alone. I'm also fearful of that last part. It's a frontier as yet to cross.

Learning how to live by myself, I now will learn how to travel by myself. This blog will be my place of reflection.