November Part 3: My Girls

Oakland, November 15 - December 2

How lucky was I to have two weeks+ with my girls just when I needed it most? Kiva and I camped out in Ariel and Chad's small apartment, trying our darnedest to be low impact/ high value guests. We cooked, shopped, cleaned and did errands hoping that they might actually miss us when we left.

Having those two weeks convinced me all the more that my top priority is to live close to them and be an available part of their lives. With Kiva in Australia for perhaps 4 years while Beau gets his BS in Osteopathy, Ariel is the magnet that will draw me to the northwest. Don't know exactly where yet, but it will reveal itself.

I'm a big fan of Oakland. I know, everyone talks about the crime and racial tension, but much like Chicago, it's a city of extreme diversity that is striving to be a great place to be. I'd like to know the recipe for improving a city without the negative effects of gentrification. It's an essential dynamic that needs to be figured out for all of the struggling cities and towns in the U.S. But the walkable neighborhoods and good mass transit create some key sustainability ingredients. Plus it's sunny a lot of the time! And living on the Hayward Fault Line just adds that adrenaline high that is so attractive.

El Capitan, so massively, solidly there.

Ariel has a lot of work obligations as a manager at the San Francisco SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals), a huge non-profit in the Mission district of SF, often keeping her there until 8:30 at night. So Kiva and I took off for two days to Yosemite for my first visit to the Cathedral of National Parks.

Approaching Yosemite was not a happy trip for me. The landscape looked awful- logging, fire-burned , the effects of the Pine Beetle, all combined to thoroughly bum me out. I felt fearful of what we would find in this legendary place, how much human-caused devastation would be there? But the Valley is just a place unto itself, seemingly immune to the Pine Beetle and just full on stunning. There were other visitors there but not in any way that diminished our enjoyment of the Park. It was cold, crisp and blue, just so uniquely huge.

Kiva next to the Merced River

Site of the prayer and the eagle.

There was a transcendent moment there, when the past week's angst came to a head and was healed. Kiva and I walked to the Merced River edge. I stood and looked up at those millions of years old rocks and prayed out loud. "Please protect this place that is so vastly strong and so frighteningly fragile from us humans. Help us in this particular time in our country's evolution to find the way forward in love." Tears streaming down my face, Kiva hugging me, she says, "look Mom." And there, rising from the crests I had been praying to was a bald eagle, soaring on the air currents, circling before us.

Sunrise in Yosemite.

That bird was the catalyst for a deep shift in me. I let go of trying to figure out my future, trying to answer all of the obvious questions: where, what, how, etc. I embraced the experience I have had on this trip of discovering what was in store for me moment by moment. The eagle watches keenly for opportunities from the big picture perspective- sharp eye and instant change of course as the present unfolds. I am channeling that way of the eagle as I walk forward.

On the Mist Trail with Vernal Falls 

There is so much more to say about Yosemite and my time with Kiva- another reminder of my fragile body as I fell backward climbing rocks to a waterfall ending up breaking the metacarpal of my left pinky finger, the Mist Trail hike to Vernal and Nevada Falls, lunch at the foot of Yosemite Falls, being in the valley of environmental heroes John Muir and Ansel Adams.

Lower Yosemite Falls, site of picnic

Top o' Mt. Tam overlooking the entire Bay area

Highlights of the time in Oakland: Thanksgiving in Lake County, hikes/walks in the neighborhood woods of Oakland, visit to Mt. Tam,

The Homeroom with nephew/cousin Matt Hodgson

dinner with Matt at Homeroom mac & cheese restaurant,

Crazy, memorable day on the top of the double decker bus.
Trip across the Golden Gate Bridge was wonderfully ridiculous!

double decker bus tour of San Francisco... in the rain, movies, food, coffee, and best of all, Trivia night at a Berkley pub- so fun as each of the four of us pulled a variety of answers from thin air.

A stop at a Napa Valley winery. Melanie has
learned her lesson and has confined herself
to no more than one beer or one hard cider.

Precious, precious time. We missed Ben, feeling the lack of his unique energy, but carrying on with the closeness that can come from great loss. The love is deep and rich.

November: Part II- filling in the gaps

Serenity is not Freedom from the Storm, but Peace Within the Storm

Colorado & New Mexico- November 10-15

I can safely say that during this time I was far away from serene. All of a sudden I didn't want to be traveling and untethered AT ALL. I wanted calm stability, surrounded by loved ones. No decisions, no aloneness, just a nest with other nest mates. It was another level of digging deep to find the inner core of strength and resilience that I've cultivated since Ben died. I had to figure out how to breathe away the pit of anxiety I had in my stomach.

It's a lucky thing Colorado is so dang beautiful. Traveling through the mountains I was mostly cut off from cell service and radio stations. I had to rely on the spectacular scenery to bring me back to my 'present' state of just-fineness. Traveling south toward Durango was its own kind of meditation, at which I floundered and to which I returned as I was able.

My safe place- Jo and Carolyn's

But a refuge appeared after two nights on my own. Jo and Caroline are friends from Maui who live in Durango. They folded me into their arms in the most loving of ways, inviting me to stay with them for two nights. The balm of being in their calm, restful space helped me recover my center and equanimity.

Please imagine living in these conditions... if you can.

I took a day trip to Mesa Verde National Park to see the pueblo cliff dwellings. There was perspective to be gained there. The Anasazi lived in these extraordinary dwellings, climbing up or down for any supplies. But along with the challenges of this vertical living must have come the most immeasurable degree of community and togetherness.

I doubt if we can sense at all what living so closely and interdependently would have done for the human psyche. I am currently reading Sebastian Junger's Tribe, which looks at the long-forgotten human need for living communally. Does it take conflict and hardship to remind us of this need?

A kiva from pre-cliff dwelling times, about 750-1000 AD

Earthship structure in Taos, NM, one of many. Recycled tires
rammed with onsite earth and adobe skin. Amazing
low cost, small footprint housing. Off grid, uses
the region's 6 inches of water per year 3 times!
Perhaps this is the modern day version of pueblo living.

November: Part I

May You Live In Interesting Times

When I think back on pre-November 9 it all seems dream-like. That naive assumption that the status quo (Hillary), the semblance of sanity, the known quantity would conquer the day kept me optimistic and unprepared. A personal sense of being untethered and directed by the wind is one thing, having that description applied to our country is a totally new depth of insecurity ranging on panic.

In the more innocent times of the first week in November I rode into Colorado on my blue steed, galloping over the barren flat lands of eastern Colorado to reach the Rockies once again. How I had missed them since Montana and Canada. And suddenly I wasn't camping anymore. Beautiful, warm days in the 70s gave way to cold nights in the 30s. Call me a wuss but the early dark and cold found me searching for cheap hotels and hostels.

Hannah and puppy, Juniper. Great training
going on with this pup!

In Boulder I had the wonderful good fortune to stay with Hannah Tirrell-Wysocki for 3 nights. I so wanted and needed to be with someone I knew over election day and night. Turned out to be the ideal spot.

Elk chillin' in the fall grasses.

From Boulder I could go for a day trip to Rocky Mountain National Park, blithely trusting the universe to arrange itself in an orderly fashion. I don't think I thought about the election until the drive back. I could be in the moment, which is arguably the greatest gift the National Parks offer us- the breathtaking grandeur that supersedes the mundane cares of our scrambling lives.

La Poudre Pass Lake- origin of the Colorado River.

RMNP was marvelously uncrowded in early November. A year ago at that time the Trail Ridge Road through the park had been closed under a foot of snow. This day it was blue, clear and cool, but pretty nearly perfect. The photos tell it best.

The humble Colorado River running through Grand Lake, CO

What will forever stand out for me on election night 2016 was participating in the evening Hannah designed that transcended the shock and anxiety of the national scene. Hannah has a Masters degree from the Naropa Institute in Boulder. Some of her Naropa cohort joined us for soup and bread and conscious conversation. With the growing awareness that the election would result in an outcome other than most of us had assumed, we turned our attention to the larger perspective. Hannah had prepared some questions for each of us to answer, questions like 'how are you feeling right now?', 'what do you have to offer in times like these?', 'what sustains you in times like these?', as I recall. The act of sharing with these thoughtful people took us above and beyond the hub bub of politics to the larger scape of human connection and positive intentionality. It was such a gift. I will hold on to those memories in the weeks to come.

The Day After

Boulder Colorado- November 9, 2016

From The Inside Out

Today my heart is full.

Fear, yes,

As always the fear of the unknown.

Fear of the cold heart, the fence, the dismiss.

I find in there too a curious compassion-

Whatever it has been that has kept me unaware,

Has neglected the pain of my country folk.

What is my path to connection?

These questions that arise are familiar:

What has meaning? What can I do?

Where and who and when?

After calamity, they bubble up,

Suggesting change,

Requiring reflection.

In my deepest heart

That first beat is

‘It will be okay,

There is a way forward,

I can find it, we will find it.’

Today I look people in the eye,

I say “Good morning.”

Today of all days,
Being human calls for the best in us.

Kansas: Not Just Another Grassy State

More Assumptions Turned On Their Heads

Manhattan, Kansas- November 2 - 4

Such an array of colors I traveled
through on my way to Kansas.

Okay, who have I been listening to that makes me think I know anything about places I haven't been yet? Really! My assumptions about Kansas are a lifetime's worth of input that it's white, flat, monochromatic, neutral. Investigating Lawrence and then Manhattan proved me delightfully wrong.

Kansas has nothing to do with Oz. As I learned from my travels in Lawrence and Manhattan, Kansas couldn't have been more at the crux of things. Before the Civil War, it became the proving ground for FreeState vs Slavery. Abolitionists flocked there to try to claim it as a Free State, Missourians crossed the state line to try to keep slavery legal there. The Underground Railroad set up shop to move slaves north.

Kansas and Osage Native Americans were pushed west as settlers moved into the state. After the Civil War, Native Americans were 'rehabilitated' at the Haskell School in Lawrence to force them to give up their families, language and culture. Today it is Haskell Indian Nations University, run by and for Native Americans from all over the country.

The Konza Prairie Preserve next door to Martha and Dick's land.

And then there are the Flint Hills Tall Prairie Land and Konza Prairie Preserve. I was lucky enough to stay with some wonderful new friends, Martha and Dick, on the edge of the Preserve, with vast hillsides of varying buff-colored prairie grasses. Martha and Dick grew up in Manhattan and are ambassadors for the wonders of the prairies. The Flint Hills stretch from northern Kansas into Oklahoma and have maintained their original tall grass prairie state since they're so rocky. It's a new vista for me and one I could have easily written off as 'all the same'.

My new friends, Dick and Martha Seaton, longtime
residents and lovers of the Kansas prairie.

So... lots of history. What's the point? My 'aha' is the realization that taking the time to learn about a place gives that place deep meaning and beauty. Having now stayed with multiple families that are committed to their place on earth, I realize how important their perspective is for me as an outsider to gain. If I were to travel again like I am, I would try to find friends of friends of friends to stay with who are in love with their towns and states. Having had my eyes pried open in Idaho, Montana, Chicago, Ann Arbor, Cleveland, Virginia, and now Kansas, I 'get' how terribly blithe we can be when we don't scratch the surface.

From Colorado:

Today is Election Day. What I've learned about places can be applied to people. I DO NOT KNOW my fellow Americans. I don't know them past their skin color, political leanings, religion (or lack thereof), and place they reside. I am ignorant. I must stop believing that I know ANYTHING about what makes them tick, what propels them in their particular direction. My views are scant and slanted.

I have arrived at the uncomfortable but realistic place my mediation trainers always called the place of optimal learning: conscious incompetence- I am aware of the vastness of what I do not know. I want to hold onto this place of curiosity as our country moves past today and into the future. There are millions of beautiful stories out there to hear.

What To Make Of The South?

Northern Southlands- October 28 - November 2

The Blue Ridge Parkway- full-on autumn color in this
predominantly oak-filled stretch. Camped in the National
Forest- a morning in the 40s.

I’m not at all sure what to think about ‘the south’. I have so many conflicting emotions and thoughts about being ‘down here’. It causes me consternation. You will find that my words and photos are at contrast to each other.

Growing up in the Civil Rights era, the south was a dirty word, a place full of people who held blacks/African Americans in contempt and weren’t afraid to act on that in all kinds of horrible ways. I remember seeing ‘In The Heat of The Night’ and just hating those accents and that snide, above-it-all attitude of Rod Steiger. 

Depending on elevation, the Blue Ridge Parkway went from
green to multi-colored to almost bare limbed.

And then Hollywood gave us ‘Deliverance’ and a whole new type of bad Southerner was introduced for Northerners to scorn.

There are statistics today that cast the south in a lousy light: more divorce, more welfare, more poverty, more unplanned pregnancy, more conservative (heaven forbid), for starters. From the lofty perch of New Hampshire or Hawaii, it all sounds like a mess.

Sunset on Lake Blue Ridge in Morgantown, Georgia.

But mostly I feel fear. Here I am with my California license plate, my Prius, my northern accent, and I’m afraid they’ll hate me right off the bat. They’ll hate my car as I’m driving, they’ll hate my high-falutin’, eco-minded ways, they’ll hate my northern-ness because they’re used to being looked down on by northerners. 

The fear is there as I drive down the wonderful back roads my GPS system takes me on- what if I break down? It’s there when I go in a local café and ask for coffee and pie. It’s there in the semi-deserted state parks I’ve had the good fortune to camp in. It's there on the trail or as I dunk in watering holes. Until… 

Glass horse created before my eyes in an Off The
Beaten Path artists Open House in and around
Smithville, Tennessee.

It isn’t there because I haven’t gotten an unfriendly look yet, nor anything but extreme politeness and friendliness. I wonder how long and how far I’d have to go to really get that people are just mostly friendly, and if I’m friendly that will be returned six-fold. 

Magnificent stalactites seen 250 feet
down at Mammoth Caves National Park.

Mammoth Caves, in central Kentucky, is the
longest cave system in the world- 400
miles over 7 square miles, 7 layers deep.
And they're still discovering more.

A peninsula of Tennessee bordered on both sides by Kentucky,
this National Recreation Area is called Land Between
the Lakes. I took the opportunity to skinny dip after
dark on a warm evening on October 30 in Lake Kentucky.

Because the fear is still there. I don’t know about the south. I don’t know the frustration that motivates all the Trump signs I see everywhere. And the job before all of us after this election is to learn, deeply, what is dividing us. To understand in a complex, compassionate way about the anger and the fear and the sense of hopelessness… truly, that is present on all sides.

The nearly deserted campground I stayed in in central Missouri.
The crew was closing up shop the morning of November 1.

I’ve dipped a toe into the South, that’s all. But I continue to look for the sweetness in people, even as I’m afraid. And so far, it’s alive and well in Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Missouri. I’m happy to report.

The Meramac River in Meramac National Forest
Campground, Missouri. Another warm afternoon, so I dipped
in here too- this time with bathing suit! It was deceptively
swift flowing.

Visiting Friends

East Coast Midlands- October 18 - 25

The east coast holds a lot of treasures for me: people who have been part of my life for decades, know me, know the people I know, have a sense of my trajectory. These are the people we sing about as ‘gold’. For two months I have been wined and dined, bed and boarded by my family and by my friends. It’s like a wonderful sloppy stew of loved ones with different textures and nourishing qualities.

Although it’s a dangerous thing to stay too long as a visitor, I came to experience the sweetness of staying long enough, longer than usual, long enough to break through to the next level. One trick I worked on was to be helpful and be independent- no burden, no expectations, no have-tos, just flexible and amenable. But in the moments of togetherness, my relaxed schedule gave me space to be very present, just there with each person- really satisfying for me.

So the southern part of my east coast visit took me to Maryland, Virginia and North Carolina, before I hit the road on my own again. 

Andy's store- The Green Phoenix

 Maryland is the home of my oldest friend, Andi, living in a wonderful wooded home with her husband Rik. She has her own local and fair trade artists’ emporium, The Green Phoenix. It’s a beautiful array of well-chosen art and craftwork mostly created by local artists on Maryland’s Eastern Peninsula. We have known each other for 55 years, but hadn’t seen each other in over 15. Lots of catching up to do.

Andi and Rik at their unique home (with solar panels!)

Jenny Sioux and Jef in the garden.

In Virginia I visited Jenny Sioux and Jef, good friends from Canterbury, in North Garden, south of Charlottesville. Once again I had preconceived notions of central Virginia- boil it down to ‘hicks’. What I found was an alcohol-producing Mecca of high-end wineries, breweries, distilleries and cideries. Bootlegging still keepers would either be rolling in their graves or proud of a legacy of distinctive brews. 

Jenny Sioux with her flowers at a fancy dance winery.

Fancy people in fancy clothes flock to this area, bringing a whole other type cast- ‘posh’- (hard to say which I might prefer). But the farmers market where JS and J sell Jenny’s flowers and vegetables showed a savvy neighborhood presently fighting hard against a pipeline threatening their rural landscape. Another assumption about an area smashed- I gotta love it!

Jef 'collapsing' their canopy that was damaged in the wind.
He has his own special style.

Ferdouz at the large and imposing EPA building where
she's telling it like it is.

And lastly, Durham/Raleigh/Cary, North Carolina, where a new friend from Maui, recently transplanted, lives with her family, Wallace and Hazel. Ferdouz is working at the EPA, bringing her sustainability knowledge to bear, having left Maui College as I did last May. That is one bustling hub of an area with multiple universities and industry. I’m told it’s one of the fastest growing areas in the country. Hazel is in 3^rd grade and reading like a fiend, reminding me of my daughters.

And thus ends my stew-dwelling days. I’m on to camping, wandering, wending my way vaguely west. The South is such an unknown. I’m ready to have assumptions shattered again.

Brotherly Love

 Philadelphia and Family

 Kennett Square, PA- October 7 - 18

Pennsylvania holds a passel of loved ones of mine. My home state, there is much history here- for the nation and for me. I made the most of both.

Yeah, we're pretty goofy. And proud of it!

Anthony or Anth, called Tony by everyone but me, is my brother. Born 16 months after I was, we hold each others history in the chalice that is the sibling experience. He stayed in PA, I left for northern environs. He gets to eat a hoagie any time he wants, for that I am supremely jealous.

This extended stay allowed me to enter more deeply into the lives of Anth's extended family in a way I never had before. And to spend time with him enough to bump through to a level of relaxed enjoyment and honest conversation that leaves me with a lot of gratitude.

This three-generation Stephens clan is a tight knit crew. Lots of babysitting for the three youngsters, house and yard projects shared, meals together, phone calls multiple times a day. They are ‘in each others’ business’, ‘up in each others’ grille’, deeply embedded in the intricacies of each others’ lives. It’s really fun to be with them.

Let me tell it pictorially:

Jami, Jessie with Caleb and Anth after a terrible defeat of
the Eagles.

A really fun morning at a mega-orchard- a
kids' area that we could have spent the whole
day in. Annie with Abby, Moi, Jessie with
Caleb and Emma in front.

I'm just loving these two girls: Annie & Jessie

Mike with incredibly reasonable Abby.

Annie with incredibly cute Abby.

Bright-eyed Emma and me at Longwood Gardens- that
place amazes me every time, they just keep adding and
improving

Jessie with active Caleb- he's ready for
the next great thing!

Hawk Mountain with Anth. Just hanging out on the rocks
waiting and watching for the migration of
raptors. Sightings of various types of hawks, eagles
and vultures. Great day with the bro'.

Anth takes a nap after lording it over everyone
with his hoagie and hot coffee. 

Jessie played hookie from school and the three of us did
a Segway tour of Philadelphia. This is an amazing way
to view a city- nothing like it.

Yup, dorky again. In front of Rodin's Thinker,
three goof balls.

Annie & me at Longwood.